I feel bad...


I feel bad because I haven't kept up with this blog and I apologize to whom ever reads me!!


I have been such a good fucking girl though. I've been to the gym 5x a week for the past 3-4 weeks and on saturdays we go rollerblading and what not.


 But I haven't lost anything?! NOTHING! FUCK!!! Not even one fucking pound nothing. I don't want to give up, and I won't 'cause if I don't reach 130 = no kids! That's our bargain. I told Brendan we're gonna start a family when I get to 130. Not more. 


What more is there to do? You know that moment when you just feel like giving up. Fuck it. I'll just stay fat ... And miserable? And depressed? No. I want to be able to have sex with my husband, on top. Rocking a hot body and not a hot mess. I need to push myself more. More than ever. I need this this is now.


‎"I got to take care of myself...If not me then who?"


May xox

Feeling really good today.

I am off today. I have been off for almost two weeks. Really enjoying it! I started working out again last week, Brendan and I have been making changes in our diet as well (he seriously doesn't lose weight, little shit!). We put a budget together and are being quite mature about it all. I'm proud of us.

So this week I went to the gym everyday. Monday-Wednesday-Fridays are my gym days, Tuesday and Thursdays I do laps at the pool. I thought pool breaks are so good for my muscles and I really don't feel like getting another knee injury. I've been feeling great. I measure myself Mondays and weigh myself (of course)

So last Monday (not this monday) but the Monday when I started I weighted 170. So hopefully I will see a change. I'm so proud. I know I can do this!

I told Brendan that we will not start a family until I am less than 130lbs. So that's my goal. :)

May xox

Working out isn't easy when you're lazy!

Brendan stumbled upon this awesome poster. He sent it to me and I did everything on there. I was already panting halfway ! But at least it's something right? I live pretty far from a gym and I don't want it to be an excuse. It was windy as fuck tonight so I thought what a great idea! I also found a few videos online to help. What I like about this workout is that there's not really a rhythm so the body is like ''The fuck are you doing to me.''

So lucky to have someone that supports me. 

May

I really look like this?!

So I took four pictures tonight and broke down...

I never thought I'd be this big in my life. And seeing these pictures is a huge reality check for me. I'm so embarrassed I let myself down this way... This is where I draw the line, this is when everything changes. For the best.
May

Best husband in the world.

Gee I have the most supportive husband in the world. He's really excited to start working out with me. He wants me to feel good about myself and I love that of him.

I bought three sport bras today! So it all shall begin soon...

May

So it begins...

Alright Fatty mcfatty here,


I joined WW yesterday in some crazy attempt to motivate me. Once I am home I will take unflattering pictures of myself in a bathing suit and will post them here for everyone (See, myself) to see and judge. Hmmm...Perhaps once a month I will take a picture? I don't know, we'll see when I get there.


The trip down south was awesome, it was really intimidating at first because of all the hot girls out there but I didn't pay 1500$ to sit in the shade wearing long johns. So I spent the whole week in a bikini. But I am done with this body. I am done with this weight and this embarrassment. This is for real. And it starts now.


May.

Going down south...

Going down south at 168lbs...Not the best idea. I feel so ashamed really. Ashamed that I didn't work out as promised. Ashamed that I bought a bunch of unhealthy stuff to eat.

I obviously do it to myself.
Why didn't I just work out?

I'm terrified of looking back at my wedding pictures and seeing the fat bride I will be in 10 days.
Fat and gross.
Fat and unattractive.

Worst day ever was certainly when I tried on those bathing suits. FUCK! Did I ever look like hell!!!!
I hope I can enjoy my vacation and not focus on how I look like. I need to do something about it. And I promise myself (again) I will lose the weight I need to lose in 2012. I will be the confident woman I was a few years okay. I need to.


May*